So, I'm new to all this. I never imagined myself ever having a 'blog.' I'm unsure of how these are generally set up, if there is a particular format that most follow. I'm not very concerned about all that. I don't care if I wind up with the most profile views, or if no one wants to read anything I have to say at all. I am not a self injury inflicting, over dramatic, emo kid, though I may come off as such from time to time. A misanthrope, most definitely. Obsessive compulsive, probably. Bi-polar, possibly. There are days when I am in a fantastic mood, and others when I feel as though I am spiraling deep into nothingness, and I'm kind of fine with both. When I am in my fantastic moods, it takes nothing to set me spiraling, or into unbearable anger, irritability, or self loathing. I'm fine with that as well. I'm good at camouflaging these things, I think.
I'm married, to the most wonderful, beautiful man in the world, although, I'm fairly certain that he is clueless, certainly careless, at times. Great at doing and saying the wrong things at the wrong times, but, equally great at doing and saying the right things at the right times. Maybe my expectations are just too high, that I expect perfection from him at all times. I don't know. It must suck to be him. Besides my time with him, I basically live in complete solitude, except while I am working. I avoid my family whenever possible. I have no friends, although, I have tried to make nice with people. It never works out in the end. I don't have the patience when it comes to things like that. I'm content living this way. Maybe when I start college in the fall, things will change in this department. Who knows.
College....I cannot wait. I wasted my time in one of those trade schools. I landed myself a job that I despise, in a place that I despise. With people that I'm not too fond of. A boss that is...a cunt. And that's being nice. I don't want to 'toot my own horn,' but, I'm kind of a genius. A stupid genius. I should have gone to college long ago. I should have done, as well as, not done, loads of things. I'm paying for it now. I plan to major in physics. Now, generally, when I tell people this, they give me this, 'ohhhhh....gooood for you you (yeah, fucking right)' attitude. Which makes me insanely angry. I'm not sure where it comes from, if they think that I'm an idiot, or too old, or if they are suddenly aware of their own idiocy. Not sure. I know I am going to do something great some day. I spend my free time, with my head to the night sky. Nothing makes me happier. It's as though, so long as I am looking upward, outward, I can disconnect from this shit world. Shit, not because of it's substance, at one time, this was a beautiful place to live, but, shit, because of human kind. No one cares about anyone or anything any more, it seems. I know it's partially because of the area I live in, but, I deal with nothing but bastards, every single day. At work, while I'm driving, while I'm shopping, etc... With all the advances in technology, how are we, as a species, so IGNORANT!?!?! It is literally, the driving force, behind my insanity.
That's all for today I suppose. Time to go to hell...I mean work. I'm sure more ranting and raving will follow. This was nice :)
